Spring reflections
- madsanderson
- May 28, 2023
- 2 min read
Updated: May 31, 2023
After the World Championships in October 2022, I wrote:
If anyone tells me that their experience as an athlete looking to win their respective World Championships is not a maelstrom of emotions, then I either want a slice of their brain, they’re lying to me, they’ve got a perfect scoreline or I’m clearly emotionally unhinged. I suppose ultimately, the human experience is more varied than it’s possible to fathom, even for athletes vying for the same goal under the same sky, but critically the path to that final result after the last race of six long days of racing differs for every single competitor. That’s an interesting concept: that each athlete lays their head down each night after racing, having raced the same course in the same conditions, but fundamentally the feelings and outcomes of each are never alike. Pride, shame, anger, jubilation, greed, satisfaction, fear, the list goes on and on.
Before this year, I’ve struggled to consistently enjoy myself when competing internationally, because these emotions have flown around unchecked, completely running the show, and leaving me ultimately, exhausted and a bit miserable, often ashamed of myself for not performing better.
Friday 19th of May, 2023
Jump forward to now, I’ve felt shame and disappointment rear their heads again after I placed 9th in both Palma and Hyères, two competitions in which anything other than a podium finish was going to sting. Since then, I’ve felt unhinged at times, completely devoid of motivation to pick myself up and try again, but mostly just a bit bummed, to put it simply. No need to dress it up, it feels shitty to come up short when it really matters. The narrative plays out in my head: ‘it seems Mads, you’re not capable of winning, after all. Real bummer.’
Self pity can only last so long though, and while I may not feel even remotely resilient, nor motivated at this moment in time, there is one thing I know about myself, and that I most probably won’t give up. The warring factions in my brain, one side ruled by self-pity and pessimism and the other by out and out optimism take up arms and I hope I can rewrite the narrative to go something like, ‘it seems Mads, you’re capable of winning, after all.’
Locate to where you need to be in order to be in your happy place (Essex countryside, afloat on a boat). Keep a clear head Mads, focus on coaching and mentoring…identifying the areas for development in your performance (what it was that stopped you being on the podium). Be ready to accept honest / truthful advice and then identify the training opportunity that you are going to seize to fix the delta between where you were and where you need to get to. If in doubt…go for a run / gym / walk the dog.